45th blog entry – Black womanhood and white fragility

English version only

So I published this yesterday on IG and the message is so important to me that I want to share it here today too:

I started to unpack this earlier but here I come again. It’s hard for me to talk about my black womanhood because I now can see all the white violence that dedicated itself to disrupting that beautiful womanhood of mine. But this is important, so listen up (especially white mothers).

Yesterday I talked to y‘all about how your black/brown/Indigenous kids in your homes are not the same as the white kids. This goes for the girls, too. If the feminist way in which you raise your daughters (and sons) is not intersectional it doesn’t mean anything. It’s white supremacy by a different name and that is violent.

White girls/women will not struggle because of their sex AND their race so they focus on their struggles on the basis of sex.

Black, indigenous and brown girls/women do not have that luxury. Our blackness precedes us. We do not have the luxury to hide behind racial privilege. We are not protected by our racial status nor our sex thus our struggle is different – our struggle is about both.

The problem within transracial families is that due to white fragility and its symptom to see all the people in this world “the same” white parents are not equipped to provide their black/brown/indigenous girls with the tools they need to be empowered and also conquer the kind of discrimination they’ll face due to their race and their sex. But they will provide their white girls with all the tools THEY need to thrive as women. It’s harmful. It’s white supremacy.

This forces black and brown girls to grow up faster and to fit the strong black woman stereotype because as children our white families taught us to deal with our race alone while giving us useless tools to conquer the discrimination they did not want to acknowledge.

I cannot focus on my womanhood without including my race because my racial status impacts the kind of womanhood I am living and feeling. I will never refer to myself only as a woman but always as a black woman because black is part of who I am.

And while I am proud of that I dearly struggle with my womanhood today because of the racial stigma it’s got.

I am talking about not being seen as feminine but masculine and therefore in no need of protection, love and support but also never being expected to be vulnerable or sensitive. I am talking about being seen as not good enough, not lovable enough and not precious enough and therefore being left with no protection or tools to love and protect myself as a woman. I am currently learning to do that and getting rid of that internalized misogynoir behavior and thoughts. I am moving in spaces where my black womanhood is celebrated and loved and worthy. And of course connecting to my awesome black and brown sisters.

Today no comments from white parents or white people in general. Also no comments from men with masculine Fragility. I will delete them. Also do not text or DM me with what you have to say – take the message home. I‘ll answer texts from my black and brown sisters, only.

I am inviting all my sisters to share their thoughts (in my DMs or the comment section) and I will delete any hate speech or misogynoir behavior.

Black and brown women: I Love Us. Period. ✨

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